How to love a Monster
by CrazyForYuu
Summary: With the face of a Monster, will anyone really look beneath the hard surface and see the caring and fragile person underneath. Sweden can't take much more, but maybe the love of some very unexpected countries will help him heal. Warning: Suicidal thoughts and blood. Human names are used. Yaoi, don't like it then don't read! Maybe Greece x Sweden
1. Chapter 1

The annual World meeting has come around again.  
This time is was being held in the home-country of the tall blond man with a less than expressive face; Sweden.

The country in question was not feeling very well. He has had a ruff couple of years.  
He hasn't spoken to any other country since last years meeting, not even Finland.  
Not that he hasn't tried! No one seemed to pick up the phone when he called, the e-mails were never returned, and the few times he had tried going to their houses they were never home.

He simply gave up a few months ago.

He knew that most people found him scary and unemotional, even among his own people, but at least the Nordics should know better.  
People scurried away when he walked by, avoided him whenever they could, called him "monster", "freak", "abomination". You can only handle so much of that before your confidence goes down the drain.  
He could no longer look himself in the mirror without cringing, and has simply stopped doing so unless necessary.

Sweden sat himself in the chair between Finland and Russia, as was his usual seat.  
He turned to greet Finland only to be greeted by said nations back as he was having an enthusiastic conversation with Estland, who glanced from his conversation when he turned and flinched as he noticed the swedes attention.  
Finland obviously noticed as his back tensed and his arm-movements stopped, but he didn't turn around.

He turned forward again and lowered his gaze to the table to hide the undoubtedly scary frown on his face.  
Finland was obviously avoiding him, and when he thought back to the last year he realized that he wasn't the only one. He raised his head slightly to glance around at the other Nordics and saw that all of them where carefully avoiding even looking in his direction.

It hurt. A lot.

He lowered his head again but chanced a glance in Russia's direction.  
The childish nation was someone he occasionally talked to when said nation had his brief moments of sanity.  
Unfortunately it seemed like this was not one of those moments as said nation was practically radiating ill intent while he was smiling creepily at the chattering America, who seemed unaware, or unbothered, of the attention.

Sweden let loose a silent sigh of sadness before again neutralising his expression.  
He got lost in the memories of a time when he didn't feel so lonely, when he lived in Denmark's house with Norway and Finland.  
He remembered how divided he felt, when he made the decision to leave that house with Finland. It was one of the times he had to decide between his own happiness or that of his people.  
It took a century before either of them could forgive the other, and a few more before they could have the same companionship as they had before.  
But he was never alone.  
Ever since he met Norway in the cold wilderness of the North all those millennia ago, he has never been as alone as he feels now.

America suddenly stood up, his chair making a loud clatter as is collided with the floor.  
Sweden started badly at the noise, caught up as he was in his own thoughts, and he saw Finland glance at him questionably for a second before quickly looking away again. It was the first time during the entire meeting that he had looked in his direction, and he tried to ignore the pain that occurred by that fact, by putting his focus on the wheat blond American man that currently held the attention of the rest of the meeting.

"I'm hungry!" he complained loudly, "Let's take a break for lunch!"

Among the agreeing murmurs you could hear England complain to America that "You are always hungry!" but he clearly didn't disagree since he too stood up and moved towards the door.  
As everyone started moving towards the door, Sweden stood up but decided to wait until everyone else had left. He wasn't that hungry yet anyway, so he was in no rush.

The flood of people started thinning out, and he saw that he wasn't the only one that had chosen to wait. The siblings, Switzerland and Lichtenstein, were also still there. Most likely a decision that came from the Swiss' overprotective nature.  
Greece was sleeping in his chair and didn't look like he was going to move any time soon.  
They were the now the only four people left in the room, and the three people that were awake, were all moving towards the door. Sweden slowed down so that they didn't accidentally crowd the door, and allowed the siblings to exit first.

Just as they passed him, he saw something fall out of Liechtenstein's pocket, and he automatically bended down and picked it up.  
As he took it in his hand, he concluded that it was a pair of gloves.

"Ah-" he started as he softly touched her shoulder do get her attention, "Wait, you-"

He couldn't get any further, as when she turned around she gave a short shriek of fright that immediately had the attention of her brother. Before he could even react he found himself facing the barrel of a gun and an enraged Swiss.

How he managed to get a gun into a World meeting, he would never know.

"What were you doing with my sister, huh?!" he bit out, his green eyes blazing with rage and protectiveness. He managed to look very intimidating despite only coming up to Sweden's chin. Giving him no time to answer of defend himself, the Swiss raised his voice a bit and continued, "Don't ever touch my sister! She wants nothing to do with you, you monstrous brute!"

He managed to contain the flinch that wanted to emerge, that was after all not even the worst he had heard today, and carefully made sure that his face had the same emotionless display that it always had. He could do nothing about the pain in his chest, or the weak feeling in his limbs.

He clenched his left hand hard, and slowly lifted his right hand that still held the girl's gloves. Trying to move as non-threatening as possible, he held out his open hand and showed them a pair of black gloves with red flowers on the back of the hand.  
Lichtenstein gasped and searched her pockets, while Switzerland stared dumbfound at the outstretched hand.

"You dropped these, Miss", he mumbled, "It's very cold outside this time of the year, so I'm certain that you will need them."

He belatedly realised that his hand was trembling slightly, hopefully not noticeably. He tightened the fist of his other hand further in hope of reeling in the traitorous action of his body.

Switzerland pulled back his gun, and relaxed his aggressive stance, but continued to stare at the swede.  
Liechtenstein stepped out from behind her brother, but stayed glued to his side, as she reached out and accepted the gloves from his hand.

"Th-thank you, so much", she managed to get out, "I-I'm really sorry for-"

He shook his head to stop the timid girl from apologising. After all, she had nothing to apologise for.  
He told her as much, "It's okay, Miss Lichtenstein. It happens all the time." He hoped that it didn't come out as bitter as he felt.

He quickly excused himself and walked to his room.

Once he made sure he had closed the door behind him, he relaxed his tense muscles and instantly started trembling. He felt a stinging in his left hand, and when he brought it to his face he realised that he had accidentally broken the skin of his palm with how tightly he had clenched his hand.  
He crossed the room into the bathroom and put his hand under the water.  
Once it stopped bleeding he shut of the water and carefully dried his hand with some paper, making sure that it wouldn't start bleeding again.  
Ha accidentally glanced up and caught his reflection looking back at him.  
For the first time in months he didn't cringe at what he saw, instead he froze. He stood there, frozen, while everything people say about him came to the forefront of his mind.

" _Jikes! What a Freak!"_

" _Mommy! Is that monster going to eat us?!"_

" _They should lock up things like that..."_

Over and over, the voices repeated themselves, becoming louder and louder with every repeat.

The next thing he knows the stinging in his left hand is back, but worse.  
He focuses his eyes and realise that at some point during his breakdown he had punched the mirror with his already injured hand. He was bleeding quite heavily and there was glass stuck in his knuckles, some of which he was sure was broken, but he just couldn't get himself to care right now.  
For the first time in his life, he felt like he looked: unemotional, blank.  
He staggered out into the room and collapsed against the wall outside the bathroom, and slowly slid down it until he sat on the floor with his legs slightly bent and his head hanging limply.

He barely noticed when the door to his room opened and he didn't react when someone sat down on the floor in front of him.

He just didn't care any more.


	2. Chapter 2

**I just want to start by apologizing for the delay in update. I should have informed you from the start that this fic will update incredibly irregular since I only write when inspiration strikes. I hope that you will like it anyway.  
Thank you to everyone that have favourite and follows my story!  
**  
Chapter 2

* * *

Vash Swili, also known as the personification of Switzerland, liked to think himself as a good judge of character. He was the only country that was considered entirely neutral, but that didn't mean that he never took an interest in the going-ons in the rest of the world. The other countries might think of him as uptight and rude, but he knew that most of them weren't worth his loyalty if they couldn't look past his outer behaviour to see that he was only defensive and protective of the people that he cared about.

He had heard the rumours about the tall and blond personification of Sweden; how cruel and cold he was, just like the country he represented, and how he wouldn't hesitate to invade anyone given the chance. That the Viking in him never truly left him and that it is just waiting for a chance to once again shed the blood of the world.  
He had ignored the rumours as usual. After all, they also said that he himself was taking advantage of Liechtenstein's natural resources (which in personification-language meant that he was sleeping with her as payment for his protection. Absurd!), so rumours were almost never actually accurate, and were not worth his attention.

Vash had a temper, he knew this, and it was usually triggered by his protectiveness of his loved ones, especially his little sister, Liechtenstein.  
So when he heard his lovely and innocent Lili scream, and he looked back and saw that tall man standing over her, all he could think about was the horrible things that other had said about the swede, and he reacted.  
Smuggling a gun into the meeting, as always, was a lot easier than it should be and he refused to go unarmed when anyone else could just as easily smuggle in something dangerous. He knew for a fact that Hungary, somehow, always smuggles her pan in everywhere she goes.  
He was surprised when the other man didn't even flinch when he got up close and pointed a gun at his head. His face remained passive, like a stone, and Vash started thinking that maybe those rumours had some truth in them after all.

But then, he got a good look at the other man's eyes, and he faltered. They were blue, shot through with tones of grey, and seemed to reflect a sea of emotions that the face never seemed to echo.

The amount of sadness and loneliness swimming in that sea was staggering, and Vash felt himself relax the grip on his gun and opened his mouth to apologize without really knowing why. He had never wanted to apologize for his protectiveness before.

Before he could actually utter any words, the swede presented the gloves that he had in his hand, and he heard Lili's gasp of surprise behind him. He felt her come up beside him and reach for the gloves, and he vaguely registered some kind of conversation going on, but all he could focus on was the trembling hand, gently cradling his sister's favourite gloves that he bought her last Christmas. He would have thought that the trembling was from fear, if he hadn't seen the pain in those eyes beforehand.

Vash was snapped out of his daze by the bitter admission of regularity from the man with the _so very_ sad and lonely eyes, and he the feeling of guild swept through him like a train-wreck. Did he not pride himself with not listening to what other say, but instead make his own opinion on people?  
Again he felt the sudden urge to apologize, but the other man swept out of the room before he got the chance.

Staring at the back of the blue uniform walking away from him he saw a flash of red, which drew his sight towards the floor. Fresh drops of blood dotted the floor, leading out of the door, starting from the place the swede had stood before he left.

A soft touch to his hand snapped him out of staring at the colourful drops of blood on the wooden floor, probably permanently staining it as it lies there to be soaked up by the wood.  
Lifting his head he was met with the sight of Lili, his sweet little sister, clutching her returned gloves to her chest with one hand as the other one was stretched out and curling around his own fingers. The guilt on her face, matching the guilt that was flooding his chest, was slowly being replaced by determination.

"Big Brother", she murmured demurely, but with eyes burning with promise. He squeezed her hand that was holding his to stop her form continuing, he knew what she was going to say and agreed with her.  
"I know", he stated confidently. They were going to apologize properly and make things right!

Letting go of Lili's hand, he hurried towards the exit and looked down the hall, Sweden still within sight. Zoning in on the other man's left hand, clenched in a fist, he saw that it seemed to be the source of the blood that was still dripping steadily as he walked.

"Sweden!", he called out, but the man in question didn't seem to hear him. Vash started walking hurriedly after the taller man, Lili's quick footsteps echoing his own behind him.  
"Oy! Swed-", he started calling out again, but was abruptly interrupted by a hand reaching out and yanking him into another corridor. He heard Lili's startled squeak behind him as he was pushed up against the wall.

Reacting on instinct, the second his back hit the wall, his gun was in his hand again and placed under the chin of the person in front of him. Looking up, he was a bit surprised in seeing none other then Russia standing only a foot away from him, with one hand on Vash's chest. Glancing at the intimidating man's eyes, he was even more surprised to see the man sane for the moment. Assaulting other nations was usually something the man did when he _wasn't_ sane after all.

"What is the meaning of this, Russia?", he asked the man still holding him against the wall. He glanced at his very worried sister and waved his unoccupied hand for her to be calm and back away, which she did grudgingly, but the look on her face suggested that he would hear about this later.  
He didn't want to take any risks. As long as Russia was sane, he could be reasoned with, but he didn't want to risk his sister being within range just in case that changed.

"What-", Vash refocused on the, quite frankly, giant of a man in front of him when he started talking, "-do you want with Sweden?", Russia gritted out, eyes glaring and daring Vash to lie to him.

One of Vash's eyebrows twitched up slightly in surprise, because he recognized the stance the other man had. Even with today's happenings, he still liked to think that he was a good judge of character, and he would recognize that stance anywhere. He himself used it frequently after all.

It was protective.

Russia was trying to protect Sweden, for some reason. Were they friends? He had never seen them hang out at any of the gatherings before, but that doesn't really say anything since they only meet once a year.

"We were just going to apologize for a misunderstanding that might have hurt him", he answered truthfully, keeping his voice calm and a steady eye-contact to make sure that the other man couldn't in any way think he was lying.  
Russia narrowed his eyes slightly as he stared Vash down, seemingly trying to stare into his soul, and Vash was determinedly staring back, when the tension was suddenly broken by Lili's cheerful voice piping up beside them, "And invite him for lunch!"

Both him and Russia snapped their heads around to stare at the young woman that was beaming at them serenely. They blinked at her, and the incredulous face they were making must have been too obvious because Lili's smile sharpened and her eyes darkened as she repeated, "We are inviting Sweden for lunch, aren't we _Big Brother_?", she said, the threat in her voice clear for everyone.

At the shiver that went through even Russia because of the tone coming form the slip of a girl in front of them, Vash felt both terrified and proud at the same time. He knew that his little sister had a, lets say _darker_ side of her, just like every other nation, but it was so rarely used that he kept forgetting it was even there.

"Y-yes", he said, not squeaked thank you very much, before clearing his throat and starting over, "Yes, we are of course asking Sweden out for lunch dear sister, thank you for reminding me".

The girl's smile softened again and practically sparkled as she said, "You're welcome, brother!"

Vash focused back on Russia as the man huffed and backed away, mumbling something about 'scary little _sestry_ , controlling the world'. Vash could only agree.  
When the bigger man had backed out of his personal space, he stashed away the gun and walked over to his sister, "So do you want to explain what that was about?", he carefully asked the still sane nation across from him.  
Russia gave them a measuring stare before he nodded and walked out of the side-corridor that he had pulled Vash into, "Sweden's room is this way, but you need to know some things first".

Vash's eyebrow rose in befuddlement, but took Lili's hand and hurried after the other nation anyway. A sane Russia was something you didn't see every day, but when you did you listened to him.  
Russia walked in silence for a few seconds before he opened his mouth, "Sweden is a good man", he started with, "Like his country: it looks cold and stiff from outside, but the people is polite and the architecture is made to be warm and welcoming".

He took a few seconds again to seemingly gather his thoughts before continuing talking, "It is true that Sweden have a violent and aggressive past, but show me a country that haven't. I'm _still_ a very violent and aggressive country yet I have more support then he does. People and personifications alike take one look at his "scary" face and assumes that he is a dangerous man".

A frustrated look crossed Russia's face, "No one gives him a chance!", he practically snarled out, and Vash was momentarily worried that the insanity was setting in again, but he took a deep breath and seemed to calm himself down again.

"He hasn't done anything to deserve how people treat him or talk about him", Russia continued in a much calmer matter, "and it hurts him. Not even the other Nordics seem to care for him any more, if they ever did".

The last sentence was practically dripping with derision and bitterness, and Vash exchanged an inquisitional look with Lili, and found her just as confused as he himself felt.  
Russia had started to ramble, pointing out all the good things about Sweden and sometimes cursing and threatening other nations before jumping to praising the Swedish landscape.  
But how did Russia fit into any of this?

Lili seemed to have read his mind because when Russia paused in his rambling, she asked, "But you obviously care about Sweden? Don't you?"

She must have seen and understood the posture Russia was using earlier as well, because her voice was understanding and soft, like she just wanted the other nation to confirm her suspicions.

Russia froze mid-step for, literally, half a second at the soft enquiry before he continued walking like he hadn't heard it at all.  
After a few seconds both Vash and Lili was starting to think that he didn't plan on answering the question at all, but they were both surprised when the big Russian's voice reached them once again, this time much softer than before.

"I'm probably the only one that does...", he mumbled softly, so softly that Vash barely heard him, but the next words were a lot stronger, "But I can only be there for him in the occasional bouts of sanity, and while they are getting more frequent they are far from enough".

Vash pondered this as the other man quieted down and focused on walking. Did this mean that the Russian was trusting _them_ to be there for Sweden? They didn't even know him. They had never talked to him before today.  
Vash frowned as he thought about it. Maybe that was why they were trusted, because they didn't have any past with Sweden, good or bad, but Vash was still unsure of the whole thing. He was only planning on apologizing to the man and then return to the meeting after all.

Glancing over at his sister, he realized that this was all a moot point anyway. Lili was wearing that stubborn face that she wore when Vash fell down a slope and twisted his ankle, and she insisted on talking care of him for a week. Even though the ankle was healed within a day ('Thank you, advanced healing!').

Vash closed his eyes and sighed in resignation. Like he had any choice in the matter from the start...  
Opening his eyes, he was surprised that Russia had stopped, and almost walked right into the bigger man's back but managed to stop himself right on time.  
They were standing in front of a door, just like any other in the hotel, and presumingly leading to Sweden's personal room for the occasion.

Russia raised a hand to knock softly at the wood of the door, and Vash made a decision. If they could help, they would, but Lili was his first priority. If at any point he felt that her safety or well-being was threatened they would leave, even if he had to drag her out himself.

There was no answer, and after knocking once again and receiving nothing from inside Russia took out a key-card from his inner-pocket and opened the door himself.  
While Vash was questioning the decision to give some with Russia's less then stellar mental health a key to your room, the sight that met him when the door opened instantly shut up any comments that might have formed in his head.

Beside him, Lili gasped in horror and grasped at his arm in a search for comfort, while Russia hurried inside to the man that was sitting on the floor against the wall inside. There was a small puddle of blood that was forming at the man's side, and his posture screamed of defeat, and it wasn't until Russia bent down that Vash finally realized that the man before them was Sweden.  
Lili, of course, was quicker then him and rushed to the other nation's side to help, and Vash followed, for the first time in decades feeling worry for someone else then his sister.

Russia was carefully holding onto a bloody hand and examining it when they approached, and they both cringed lightly as they noticed the shards of glass sticking out of the appentix.  
" _Shvetsiya_ ", Russia said softly as he reached up to the other nation's face, "Sweden, do you hear me?"

When no answer came, Russia turned his head slightly to the side without taking his eyes of Sweden, "Lichtenstein, there should be a basic first aid kit in the closet?"  
Lili was on her feet and by the closet before the other nation had even finished his sentence, and when she came back she put the small bag on the floor next to her before carefully taking the injured hand from Russia and putting it in her lap.

As Lili started to pick out the pieces of glass with a par of tweezers, Vash took a place at the floor on the other side of the injured man and placed a hand on his shoulder. He was feeling slightly out of place and unusually useless as he just sat there, but Russia once again tried to get Sweden's attention so he did his best to be helpful by rubbing the man's shoulder comfortably.  
"Come on _Shvet_ ", Russia murmured, "say something. Can you hear me?"

"... 'van...?", was softly murmured from the injured nation, and if Vash hadn't felt the slight vibrations with his hand, he would have thought that he had imagined it.  
He glanced at Russia, hoping that the larger man had understood what was said, but was ignored as Russia answered, "Yeah, it's me. It's ok."

"... I'm tired, Ivan...", Sweden said a few seconds later, and Vash was only slightly surprised at the use of the other nation's personal name. If they knew each others names then they were closer then he had gleamed from Russia's earlier word. You don't simply give your name out if you weren't sure that it wouldn't be used against you, names have power after all.  
Vash pretended as he hadn't heard while glancing at Lili, who was still working on getting the smaller pieces of glass out of the other nation's hand, and was glad that she hadn't given any indication to having heard the name either. They hadn't been trusted with the name, so they won't ever mention it, even to each other.

Vash was broken out of his thinking by Russia's softened voice speaking again, "I know, Sweden. We'll let you rest as soon as you are safe, ok?", he said and was given a slow nod after a few second, much to Russia's obvious relief, "Good. Now, are you hurt anywhere else?"  
Sweden took a minute to answer, but much to everyone's relief, the answer was a slow shake of the head.

Lili was finished with the glass, and was carefully wrapping the hand up in some gauze, "He's already starting healing, so he'll be fine", she said softly as she cradled the hand carefully.  
Russia nodded but clenched his jaw, "The meeting is about to start again", he murmured with frustration, "I will be missed if I'm not there..."

Vash nodded, there were all suppose to be there unless absolutely necessary, but a presence like Russia would be missed and asked after. No nation wanted to be seen as vulnerable at a meeting like this, and they didn't wish for Sweden to be exposed if someone came looking for Russia.  
"We'll take him to our room", Vash decided, "We got a bigger room since it's two of us, and Li-Lichtenstein can watch over him while we go to the meeting."

Lili wasn't actually obligated to attend since her country was considered to be under Vash's responsibility, but that wasn't actually true. It was safer for her if other nations thought so, but Vash had actually no say at all over her country.

"You can say that Sweden had to leave because of an emergency or something if someone asks", Vash continued when both Russia and Lili nodded at his suggestion, "Everyone knows that Sweden doesn't fear you, so it wouldn't be entirely weird if he told you that he had to leave."

As no one had anything else to say, they shuffled around until Russia could help Sweden to his feet. The nation was still slightly unresponsive, but shuffled his feet along as they walked through the corridors of the hotel.  
Once Sweden was situated in the siblings' hotel-room, in the bed Vash was planning on using, and Vash made sure that Lili was fine with being left alone with him, the two other nations made their way back to the conference room in silence.

Back in the room, Lili took a seat on the second bed and leaned over towards the now sleeping nation and took the unharmed hand in her own. She had wanted to remove the man's glasses, but Vash had warned that he might not react very well if he woke up in a different place and couldn't see properly, so she left them on.  
Sighing quietly, she petted the hand in her hand tenderly, "Big brother and I will look after you, so don't you worry!", she whispered softly, and smiled when the hand she was holding tightened slightly around her fingers while the man slept on.

* * *

 **Greece will be introduced in the next chapter!**


End file.
